Flictonic Keyblade Waver Syndrome
by ChaiFrapp
Summary: A KHFLCL mix. Sora’s a self proclaimed alien, Xehanort is a perv, Kairi doesn’t seem to realize she’s kissing the wrong boy, and Riku just wants the madness to stop. RxS
1. Prologue

Summary: A KH/FLCL mix. Sora's a self proclaimed alien, Ansem's a perv, Kairi doesn't seem to realize she's kissing the wrong boy, and Riku just wants the madness to stop.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kindom Hearts or FLCL

XxXxXxX

A little past midnight on an island so in the middle of nowhere it was practically forgotten, our nocturnal antagonist laid careful watch. His spiky brown hair and blue eyes a cherubic mask to his real intentions. He actually found this island to be exactly what he was searching for. Full of what he needed, naive and happy ordinary people who no one would ever miss. He leaped from roof top to roof top with extraordinary grace, getting a better feel for the town; he could practically feel the bodies radiating warmth from inside their houses. It wasn't all too hard though, with the air being as chilly as it was. Another leap and glance across the town, when something caught his eye, a flash of silver though an open balcony door. Curious, he could barely contain himself. Perhaps it was time to take a closer look at these interesting little people.

Confident the padding of his feet wouldn't wake the creature slumbering inside the room, he glided over to the bed. 'Well fancy that,' the night crawler thought upon a closer look, 'it was his hair that caught my eye.' Delicately he pulled back veil of silver to reveal an even more handsome face. Fancy that indeed! If all humans were this beautiful he didn't think he would be able to go thought with his master plan. Well, maybe he could, but this one was special, this one he'd keep. The boy in the bed stirred under his touch but did not wake, but even so he recoiled a bit. Perhaps it was time to go; after all he still had other things to do, but first… he lightly delicately lifted the teen's chin, lightly pressing his lips against his. After the briefest of touches the fair haired boy's eyes fluttered open, but of course by then the shadow boy had vanished into the night. Gone, but soon to return.

XxXxXxX

His town was ordinary, average, dull, bland, and boring. In his town shadow creatures did not sneak into your room and steal kisses. In his town people could leave their balcony doors open with out the fear of perverted monsters sneaking in. And so, if all this was true then what really did wake him? Riku thought to himself sitting inside his bath tub. Unable to sleep, the most rational thing to do of course was to hide in his bathroom and think. Well, if his town really_ was_ as normal, then it had to be a dream…right?

But…

Dreams do not kiss back…

Dreams do not have piercing blue eyes…

And dreams certainly do not whisper "Sleep tight…"

After all that's just silly, dreams telling you to sleep when you clearly already are? HA! Ridiculous! Heh heh heh…

"Drip…drip…drip" the faucet mocked. "Who…areyou…fooling?"

"Oh, shut up you." Riku replied dully to the piece of metal, fully aware that he must be delusional to be talking to a bathroom fixture.

Delusional…that was something he could handle, shadow pervs he could not.

And so comforted by thoughts of hallucenations Riku curled up in his bathtub and fell asleep.

XxXxXxX

Short I know, but this is just the prologue so the real chapters should be longer.  
Currently I'm trying out a new writing style so I'm a little nervous submitting this

Review?


	2. It Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Furi Kuri

AN: I changed the name Ansem to Xehanort in the summary, it will be important later. Also I have some illustrations for this story, if you are interested it viewing them check my profile. Danke!

XxXxXxX

Contrary to popular belief, the world had not gone mad, at least not enough to stop school from functioning.

As usual school started no differently than the day before. Kairi, a year older than him and his brothers ex, would latch onto him using excessive PDA before school.

"_Ngh, you can't kiss me like that in public!"_

"_Riiii-kun"_

He would walk to school where his homeroom teacher was predictably late, and of course everyone took this opportunity to talk about the latest gossip.

"_Did you hear—and she—with him!" "Noooo!"_

Including his own friends.

"Have you heard Riku?" Tidus and Wakka crowded around him, Tidus looking every much like he had a juicy secret…or had to pee.

"Hn?"

"Everyone's talking about some creepy cat burglar that was hopping around on the roof tops last night!"

'_Cat burglar?'_

"Ya!" Wakka chimed in, "Jah' know my neighbor, that old batty lady? She swore she saw him climbing through her window! Had to yell to get her son to beat him out, but by the time he got there he was gone. But he can vouch for her story, said he saw somethin' jumpin from roof to roof from her window. True story!"

"Are you two still spreading those cat burglar rumors?" Namine cut in walking over to Riku's desk.

"They're not rumors!" Tidus argued, "I heard that someone from another class even got pictures! It's true it's true!"

Inside his head, Riku could practically feel his brain exploding.

"You alright Riku?" Wakka asked.

"…"

"He doesn't look so good…"

Of course now was just about the time their teacher would actually show up, and right on schedule she did.

XxXxXxX

Besides the gossip from this morning the day went completely normal, so of course Riku headed over to the river to meet up with Kairi, something so ordinary he didn't even have to think about doing it. From there he had a perfect view of the King's Heart building; his whole town had been excited when it was first being built, although it was odd that no product of any sort came out of it despite its self proclamation of being a factory. Well, that's not exactly true, at precisely four o'clock everyday jets of white light streamed out of the giant crack in the building. Oh did I forget to mention? The whole building looks like some ridiculous door, and yet no one seemed to notice, trapped in a town of the blind and mute Riku was.

"Our hearts will always be connected Ri-kun, because we're all held together like pieces of a chain ya' know? So we'll never really be forgotten!"

"What are you talking about?" Riku snuck a peak at red head, shoes now off dunking her feet into the water. Honestly, that girl could be so odd at times. Well at least her acting weird is normal...

"Hn?...Ri-kun what are you doing?" walking over to him she knelt behind him and began to wrap her hands around him.

"Homework." He put simply. Another normal thing, Kairi being flirty and aggressive. By now it was useless to fight back, better to have her get it out of her system by using him. That was their relationship and that was the way it was.

"Why don't you do it at home?" an inquiry asked between nips at his neck.

"Because that's not cool." An only half serious answer. "You smell like cigarettes, the gross ones."

A giggle, and not a sweet one, "I haven't been smoking _sir_."

"_Hmph. More routine"_ Riku thought as Kairi pulled him down to the hard dirt ground. _"Everything really is normal…hn, Kairi really should stop biting me so hard."_

XxXxXxX

The shining of the white lights signaled Riku's 'curfew', so silently the two walked up to the bridge above the river. Half way across Kairi's eyes lit up impishly, "Wow. There's a mark."

Instinctively Riku's hand slapped his neck.

"Want a band aid?" she asked with a little smirk.

No. No, he did not want a band aid; he wanted to tell her the truth. Maybe that would end this crazy normalcy that really wasn't all that normal in the first place. Unfazed by the lack of an answer Kairi started to walk down the bridge to her own house.

"I got a letter…"

Unfortunately for Riku fate wanted to bite him in the ass. For at that moment no one on the bridge noticed the fast moving blur heading in their direction, large clouds of dust billowing behind it. Moving so fast it seemed to outrun its shadow.

"…from my brother…"

Yup, fate is still being a bitch.

"…has he…"

Kairi slowly started to turn around, her eyes growing in recognition of the immanent doom quickly approaching them.

"Ri-ku-" But that was all she could get out. Because the object then came barreling into him. Somewhere from the crash a skateboard flew out, and skidded to a halt as its owner was still colliding with Riku. In fact for a crash this was taking an awful long time, as if it were in slow motion. Kairi took a few pictures.

The stranger stopped suddenly, falling ungracefully on his hindquarters. Clad in a white helmet with a black stripe down the middle, a pair of brown aviator goggles, a red one piece jumpsuit and brown motorcyclist's gloves, he looked almost odd enough to have you not even notice that he had a giant key in one hand. Almost.

Meanwhile Riku landed in an ungainly fashion a few feet away. Kairi snapping out of her daze ran over to him, "Ri-kun!"

"Stop!" the strange figure commanded halting Kairi in her steps, "Native girl must not touch him!"

"Huh?"

"He hit his head see? Poor Rukkin." The stranger said, putting away his giant key and now walking closer to inspect Riku.

"His name is Ri-kun" Kairi added in a small voice.

Drool leaked out of Riku's mouth.

"HE'S DEAD!" The strange boy yelled dramatically pulling out a handkerchief

letting it drop over Riku's face. "I killed this poor boy Rukkin, in the prime of his life,

with a bam kablooie or pow, ran him over…"

"It's not Rukkin, his name is Riku, but I like to call him Ri-kun you know?" Kairi tried to interrupt.

"Kapow! Hmmm…"

With a flourish the boy pulled off his goggles and helmet in one motion, his spiky brown hair bouncing back into place, blue eyes sparkled with practiced loveliness.

"COME BACK TO LIFE!" He shouted grabbing Riku's head and, with obviously no training, proceeded to give him CPR.

After a moment Riku's body begin to squirm underneath the boy's. Standing up the boy wiped his mouth proudly, "I lucked out! He could have just been another statistic 'death by skateboard."

Slowly Riku began to sit up.

"ROUND TWO!" The giant key was now back in the boy's hand and with one fluid motion he swung it into Riku's forehead.

With a sickening crack Riku went tumbling once again down the sidewalk. Unruffled the boy walked over to him and proceeded to grab Riku by the ankles and shake him, muttering something about 'why won't it come out?' Riku's change fell pathetically from his pockets.

Seeing the effort was hopeless the boy dropped him, "Guess I'll have to hit him again!"

"Stop!" Kairi wailed, jumping over to sit on Riku's chest.

"Get out of the way!"  
"Please no! Don't hurt him! Riku's a good boy! He hasn't even seen my panties!"  
"You've practically got his face in your crotch right now!"

Suddenly Riku sat up sharply, knocking Kairi off his chest. Okay now, it really did feel like his brain was exploding. Clutching his forehead he screamed, "What the hell did you do to me?"

Helmet back on his head the stranger grabbed his skateboard, "You are completely useless!" he shouted back before taking off.  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!"

But it was hopeless seeing as how the boy had sped off just as fast as he came, leaving trails of dust in his wake.

"Oohh, he's fast."

XxXxXxX

'Who was that guy?' Riku questioned for what seemed to be the one hundred and twenty seventh time that night.

Collapsing onto the bottom bunk of his bed he groggily looked around his room. Door, brother's ball, desk, chair, mirror, doors, balcony, backpack, closet, bunk bed, and me. All present and accounted for. Maybe he should go and get some medicine for his head. But that would require moving his head, which, ouch ouch ouch, seemed to be screaming in pain.

Sleep.

Yes sleep is what he needed.

Sleeeeep.

XxXxXxX

Night time. That the only reason why his room was so dark. Had he really been in bed the whole day? Oh that guy! That guy who hit him! Gingerly he tested getting his head off the pillow, so far so good. All that remained of the brain explosion it seemed was a mild ache. Still he was not looking forward to the massive bruise. Trudging over to the light switch, he flicked it on illuminating the room. Trudging back, he walked over to his mirror and…well, it wasn't a bruise.

It was…a horn?

Pure black and about as big as his index finger; sure enough there was a horn sticking out of the middle of his forehead.

Hesitant, he poked it. Strange, well err…strang_er; _it was cold and a little bendy. Ew. This was all his fault that…that boy! Who kissed him! That guy was gonna pay! Ugh but for now, he had to find a way to deal with this thing. Ick, maybe if he pushed on it.

With ease the horn slid back into his head. Only to pop back out a few seconds later.

Ow ow ow ow. _Ow_.

"RIKU DINNER!"

XxXxXxX

Hopefully, his father wouldn't think the big band aid he was using to cover up the horn as a big deal, his father was odd like…well everything else in his life. Hn, dinner actually smelled good tonight…

He rounded the corner to the dining room and….

The universe imploded.

No, really. Reality was fed up with all this randomness and screamed, "ARG! FUCK THIS SHIT!" and left.

THE END!

If Riku had time to think that's what he would have said, but he didn't. All that came out of his mouth was,

"YOU!"

"Yo!" a certain familiar blue eyed boy answered.

"Why are you yelling?" His father, Xehanort, asked raising a silver eyebrow. "Come in and shut your trap." his uncle, Cid, added.

"IT'S YOU! THE BOY ON THE SKATEBOARD!" Riku screamed again, brandishing a finger at the boy.

"Oh son, this is Sora, he's going to be working in our family bakery." His father explained calmly.

"Charmed." Sora smiled while eating his share of dinner.

Riku looked at his father in disbelief, only now noticing he was covered in bandages.

"He ran me over you know."

"With his skateboard!" He could see it now, the maniac boy mowing down random people with his skateboard of death!

"We're all soo lucky he survived…" his uncle added sarcastically.

"Hey what are you complaining about? You got another worker for the ice cream shop out of it, and all he wanted in return was a place to sleep!"

"'A place to sleep?'" Riku questioned. "A PLACE TO SLEEP?"

"Oh don't worry I wont be getting between you and that little girlfriend of yours." Sora commented with a little bite, "Not that there was a lot of space between the two of you down by the river today."

"You were by the river with Kairi!" despite his injuries, his father seemed to have no trouble leaping from the table to throttle Riku. "Molesting that girl?"

"Tch. Kairi would do it with anyone." Cid muttered somewhere in the background.

"I see now!" Xehanort exclaimed suddenly releaseing his death grip, "Your brother has moved on so now she's wants you Riku! Messing around! Fooling around! Fooly Cooly!"

He paused a moment sitting next to the chair Riku had chosen.  
"What's fooly cooly?"

Riku looked incredulously at his father, "How the hell should I know!"

"Ahaaaaaaaaa! Hahaaahaaaaaa!" Xehanort said knowingly, "It's a sort of fan thing, a fic thing. Like someone saying this is an original story when it is really a fanfic of two different stories meshing together! The plot only causing the main character grief!"

Riku could not believe the gibberish coming out of his father's mouth.

Meanwhile Cid was explaining to Sora his own version of fooly cooly-ing, hand gestures and all. Sora was enthralled.

"Riku is just like his old man. So he must be doing it. I know he's doing it! Doing it! Doing it!"

Sora grinned, "Didn't know you were so experienced Riku."

"Ah, Sora-san what do ya think?"

"Whaddya?"

"Fooly fooly fooly cooly…like that?"

"Kool-aid?"

"Not like those raunchy novels I have on my desk!"  
"Death?"

"It's like a new mentality thing!"

"Noodle?"

"It's like 'Oh, assistant editor I didn't realize what a strapping young man your son had become!'" He yelled in a kinky way, standing up and grabbing Sora's hands to emphasize his point. "It's a cooly cooly dream thing!"

"You do it like this, see?" Cid demonstrated with his hand. Sora was once again fascinated. "Ohhh, me and Riku are already close like that!" He grinned and pulled Riku into a headlock.

"Wha-!" both Cid and Xehanort yelled in unison.

"Mouth to mouth!" Sora yelled dramatically grabbing Riku's shoulders bringing lips dangerously close to his.

"M-m-mouth?" Xehanort repeated.

"HEY DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!" Riku yelled at his attacker.

"I see now, the two of you living in the same house and already you're fooly cooly-ing." His father looked absolutely dejected.

"Who cares if it's fooly or cooly!" This whole thing was starting to give Riku a headache.

"You're still thinking about doing it tonight aren't you?"

"You're acting like a kid!"

"With that kind of fooly cooly thinking, the evidence must be…UNDER THIS BANDAID!" With that, he started attacking Riku's forehead.

"AHHHH! THERE'S NOTHING UNDER THIS BANDAID!"

Finishing up his hand motions Cid declared, "And that's how you fooly cooly."

XxXxXxX

Question:

Where is the safest, most comforting place in your house?  
Answer:

The bathroom.

At least, that was the answer for Riku. He spent a good five minutes pacing, six minutes sitting, and then ten cowering before figuring that he might as well do something useful while his was in here. A shower, that would clear his mind.

As the hot water roamed his body his mind became focused. There was this boy in his house. A boy who like to run people over. He was threat even if his father didn't think so. His father was a pervert. His father probably wanted to get into said boy's pants. Ugh, no no no. No.

He shook his head violently.

He would absolutely not think about _that_. The boy, what about him seemed strange?

A picture of Sora flashed in his mind.

Well…besides _everything_. He had blue eyes. Those impossibly bright, blue eyes. They looked…familiar. They looked like the...the...catburgalar's! Damnit. This is just getting out of hand. Maybe he could get some proof and get the police to arrest him. Yeah, he needed proof. Proof.

"GET OUT OF THE DAMN BATHROOM YOU PANSY" Cid yelled from the hallway.

XxXxXxX

Somehow he was not surprised to find Sora sitting on his bed when he walked into his room, although seeing the giant key he was holding was.

_'Did he hit me with that? That thing is bigger than a guitar.'_

"I see you sleep on the bottom bunk so I'll just be taking the top." Sora said calmly before getting up and placing the weapon beside his knapsack, "That's alright isn't it?" he asked finally making eye contact, "Me being on top?"

Riku heard the implications but chose to ignore them for the time being. "No, the top bunk is my brothers. No one touches it." As if to make the statement final, he lay on the bed face to the wall, marking his territory.

"I see" Sora's voice floated over from Riku's desk area, "Where is your brother now?"

'_He actually wants to talk about my brother…interesting…'_

"Leon? He's all over, I'm not sure right now, he's touring in a Blitz league. I get postcards sometimes."

"I see…" His voice a bit closer now. Then a warm back was pressed against his.

"_Is Sora…ON MY BED!"_

He scrambled away finding very little room between Sora and the wall, "YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE!" he spazed.

Throwing the most pathetic look possible Sora mumbled, "But, there's nowhere else…"

Riku's father might have fallen for his charms but Riku wasn't going too. With a well placed kick Sora was pushed out of the bed. Deciding that wasn't enough space between them Riku jumped out of bed as well back against the door. He was going to be asking the questions now!

"Who are you?" he demanded.

Sora looked at Riku and smiled before getting up and dusting the non-existent dirt off himself. Satisfied he turned his attention to Riku. "A teenager who needs a job and a place to sleep for the night."

"Who are you really?"

Sora gave him another look. A condescending challenging look. You know the ones that teachers give you, as if asking 'You really think that's the right answer dumbass?' Yeah that one…

"I'm an alien." Said so smoothly it had to be a lie.

"Tch, I don't believe you." _'Now he was just being ridiculous…Aliens'_

"That's an awfully big band aid. What happened?"

"You know _exactly_ what happened." Riku now was finding it harder and harder to look him in the eyes. They seemed to be growing colder and sharper right before him.

"What's underneath the band aid?" Now Sora's voice seemed to be changing colder and sharper too. Riku couldn't bear those eyes anymore, now turned away he could still feel them boring into his skull.

"It's none of your business…"

"Let's see it!"

Riku could feel Sora's hand getting closer although he couldn't remember when Sora had stepped forward. Closer and closer to his head. Lashing out he slapped it away.

"MY FATHER BROUGHT YOUR HOME! YOU SHOULD STAY WITH HIM!"

Opening his eyes Riku could see Sora was still standing on the spot where he kicked him off the bed. Sora's expression had changed too, no longer monster, but rather disappointed.

"But…I saw you first Riku…"

And although he wished he didn't, Riku blushed.

XxXxXxX

After that it was time to leave. He would take his chances in some other room thank-you-very-much. Is the dining room light on?

Padding over he saw his father looking at something on the table…

"Ah, Riku you're up too I see…Kairi paid us a visit." He held up the somethings, several photographs of the collision, "You were run over too I see."

"Kairi, was here?"

"I believe she also got some ice-cream as well as dropping these off…Why she ordered ice-cream at this hour I don't know. She looked a bit sick actually…So Riku what do you think of Sora?"

Riku only grimaced at his father before running out of the house sans shoes or anything else that would help him get to his destination faster.

Arriving at the bridge he saw her, cigarette in her mouth and ice cream in her hand. She looked so much older, too old for games, for lies, for him.

"Has he contacted you yet? Leon?"

She turned lazily look at him, ice cream dripping down the side of the cone. With her free hand she plucked the stick out of her mouth and threw it into the river. Then slowly letting her body lean against the rails she turned around and sat on the concrete letting rivers of cream slide down her hand.

"Do you even still like him?"

XxXxXxX

Back at Riku's house Sora thought this would be the perfect opportunity to look through some of Riku's things.

What's this? A letter? Must be from that brother of his he mentioned… Ohh a picture!

Pulling it out gingerly he could see the resemblance same nose…chin. Although he had brown hair it was easy to see they were related. But even more interesting was who he had his arm around…a blond! Turning the letter around he saw the scratched writing

_"My-"_

XxXxXxX

"He has a boyfriend now…" He had been dreading telling Kairi this for a while, he had hoped his brother possessed enough decency to tell her, but I guess not.

He looked over Kairi was now tiring to stand, her posture limp and stance wobbly.

"K-Kairi?"

"Auhh!" She clutched the handrail and grabbed her forehead. But it was no used her grip on the rail slipped and she fell over passed out…

"KAIRI!" Riku started to run but his forehead burst open with pain. The horn was throbbing pulsing to get out. It burst out of the band aid…

"It's getting bigger…" Riku commented weakly, staring at the enlarged horn.

The King's Heart building lit up the now famous crack down the center in a very unscheduled way.

XxXxXxX

"My necklace…"

Sora looked at his crown necklace; it seemed to be pulling toward the window…

"Already?"

XxXxXxX

The horn seemed to be multiplying now, five identical prongs twitching and growing. No…they weren't horns they were part of a hand, it was struggling to get out, pushing until its forearm was entirely out. With one final push, the monster seemed to have gotten whatever thrust it needed and was launched out of Riku's forehead and onto the sidewalk.

_"Is this what giving birth is like_?_"_ Riku thought blearily_, "No wonder women don't do it though their foreheads..."_

He weakly fell back, his knees giving out beneath him. The spectacle before him was an interesting one; the black hand was now connected to a tall bugish-humanish black monster with glowing yellow eyes. It was fighting against a giant purple mechanical hand with wires hanging off the wrist as if it were ripped from an even larger structure. The monster it seemed was winning. Grabbing the wires it began to spin the hand around before slamming it into the guard rails.

_"Strong…"  
_Behind him Riku heard a familiar sound, a rumbling of wheels. Where had he heard it before? It was on this bridge, on this bridge when…when Sora…SORA!

The monster went for the kill slamming his fist into its palm. While Riku looked up just in time to see Sora fly over his head to tackle the creature. It was spectacular. Riku had only seen one other thing like it, his brother blitzing, but that didn't even come close. So Riku couldn't help himself uttering a soft awed, "Wow."

Sora collided with the creature pulling out his keyblade a second later to strike it.

"Kyaaaaaaaaaa!" with one blow it was skidding down the sidewalk.

Sora landed gracefully, only to start looking around wildly, "Huh? Where is it?"


End file.
